How To Deal With Toxic People

In this post I will show you how to deal with toxic people in your life who try to hold you back. 

We all have people in our lives who are not a positive influence on us in any way.

There are some who just flat out discourage you and criticize you and then there are those who distract you and hold you back from doing what is best for yourself.

Regardless of if they are doing this consciously and on purpose or not, these people have to be dealt with the right way so that you can move forward and create positive change in your life.

Me personally, I have been very blessed to have parents and family who support what I do 100% and they have never tried to forcefully impose their beliefs on me. 

However, I have also had a lot friends and other family members in my life who I had to stop seeing or reduce spending time with because I realized that those people weren’t’t impacting me positively or helping me grow into a better version of myself. I realized that their presence in my life had become mainly negative and that I had to do something about it.

And I’m about to show you exactly how to deal with these people because everyone including you deserves the right to make whatever change they want in their life.

Now before we get into how we should deal with these people, I want to talk about the three types of people who impact you negatively.

Here they are:

#1: People who straight up criticize you and go against you and tell you that your dreams are stupid and that you don’t have it within you to achieve them. These people are the most outwardly negative.

#2: People who criticize in a discreet way and pretend to be on your side. These people mean well in a way, but their natural instinct is to criticize you and tell you all the reasons why what you’re doing is incorrect. These people are sneaky with their negativity and believe that they are not negative.

#3: People who distract you and try to take you off the path. These people are the ones who live a different lifestyle from the one that you are trying to live and they hold you back from changing your lifestyle. 

So now that we’ve classified the types of negative people, let’s move discussing why they act the way they act and how you should deal with them.

There is one truth you need to realize:

When you’re on the path to something great, when you’re on the path of self betterment, when you’re on the path to become a better person, you WILL drift away from some people.

This isn’t a bad thing. Think about it this way; all the people who are currently a part of your life are a reflection of your consciousness.

Everyone in your current life is serving your evolution in some way that is necessary at this point in time and you can learn from them.

See when you work on yourself and expand your own awareness and ability, you start to outgrow some of the people that you currently have in your life.

In the process you will drift away from some close friends and family. This might make you sad but you must understand that you will also at the same time attract others who will set up the next chapter of your life.

This is how life works. When we level up, we constantly attract others who will help us evolve further but first we must let go of the people who are no longer serving our evolution. 

The longer we cling onto those people, the longer we hold ourselves back.

Now, when you try to become a better person, or when you try to pursue a big goal, you’ll often receive a lot of criticism. 

This is because on a subconscious level, people feel threatened by the change that you’re introducing in their life.

Close friends might start to retaliate telling you that you aren’t the same anymore or that you’ve changed. And it’s because the change that you have gone through is threatening your guys’ relationship and they sense that on a subconscious level.

Their natural reaction is to feel threatened so they retaliate against you.

Same goes with people who criticize others or make fun of others or discourage others who are going after their dreams and have big goals for their lives.

The people who criticize are threatened on a subconscious level. 

People often criticize others who have the courage and bravery that they wish they themselves had to go after something.

Because look, we ALL want to be better. We ALL want to pursue and achieve our dreams. But MOST of us don’t because we’re afraid. We let our fears hold us back.

That’s why when you make a decision to go after your dreams, others who wish they had the courage will retaliate against you and try to hold you back. 

They will do this without even being aware that they’re doing it. They’ll actually think that you’re wrong and that they’re right.

There’s a quote I like from Steven pressfield, he said “the critic hates most that which he would have done himself if he had had the guts.”

So here’s how to deal with people who try to hold you back and influence you negatively.

You must maintain conscious awareness, meaning be aware of your thoughts around them and notice the thoughts they are introducing to you and don’t identify with those negative thoughts. They are not your thoughts, don’t let them discourage you. 

You can talk to them but never take what they say seriously. Then reduce the time you spend around them as MUCH as possible but don’t try to go out of your way to avoid these people or push them out of your life.

Stop struggling against them, just reduce the amount of attention you give to them and what they have to say. Let them naturally fade out of your life. 

Also this is super important:

Don’t argue with them or try to convince them that they’re being negative, just hear what they have to say and if you don’t like it, disregard it and move on.

The secret is to take your attention away from them.

It might be hard but you must practice it. Once you start taking away your attention, they’ll automatically interact with you less and less. And then eventually they will fade out of your experience. 

For example, if you’re walking on a random street and a dog starts barking at you and you give it your attention and then start running away from it, it will keep bothering you and then run after you.

But if you don’t even notice the dog and just keep walking, the dog won’t even bother or try to provoke you further because you aren’t worth its energy. Instead he’ll just wait for the next person who’ll fall for it.

It works the same way with people. Others only engage with you and bother you if you continue to feed them with your energy. 

So the best way to remove these people from your life is to stop giving them attention. 

Remember this doesn’t mean ignoring them when they’re talking to you, insulting them, going out of your way to avoid them, or telling them that they’re bad people. 

It means to simply go about your life and take your attention away from them and not be provoked by them when they try to come after you. If you do this, they will naturally fade out of your life and stop trying to provoke you. 

2 things I will say to you though:

#1: When you’re trying to make a positive change in your life, don’t force that same change upon others. 

Doesn’t matter how good you think it will be for them, don’t try to impose your own habits and your own lifestyle on other people around you. This will only make them retaliate against you.

#2: Never compare yourself to others and think you’re better than them because you practice a positive lifestyle or pursue your dreams.

You are not better than them because you do what you do. You are not better than them even though you might be brave or have other good qualities.

And they are not bad people for acting the way they do even though they’re negative. If others are outwardly bitter, it likely means that they are also bitter inwardly as well. 

So if they don’t treat you well it most likely means that they are also hard on themselves and don’t treat themselves well. 

Just remember, we simply all have different paths and have no business judging each other’s paths.

We are all evolving and pursuing the same goal – which is the expansion of our awareness.

And we are all just doing this in different ways, on different levels, at a different pace.

No one is wrong. No one is right.

-Sunny

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